I’ve never been one to read “the end” of a book first. I’m much more wired to start at the very beginning – as they sing, it’s a very good place to start. This makes me a very unlikely candidate to write a book where it might make sense to read the end first.
Yet, reflecting back on a discussion in the most recent Circle of Integrity cohort, I started wondering if reading the “Closing Thoughts” of Return On Integrity: The Individual’s Journey to the One Essential Thing would be the perfect place to start. The fact that I didn’t plan it that way, may very well make some sense too – especially considering those very closing thoughts are a story about an ending that was never planned.
What I love (with somewhat of a pun intended) is that you could read only that part of the book and substantially change your life. I’m certain it would change how you experienced all of the content in the book that preceded it. With that thought in mind, and no spoiler alert necessary, it might be worth sharing those brief closing thoughts here:
I was in front of a room of thirteen hundred accounting and finance majors. The title the conference organizers had suggested for my closing general session was “Unleashing Authentic Relationships.” Integrity and intentionally knowing and living your core values were at the heart of the presentation. The closing I had planned, however, was never delivered. The night before, a question grabbed me and wouldn’t let go.
As I came to the closing of my presentation, I took a deep breath and said: “Now, I hope a few things I shared will stir your thinking and inspire your action to unleash authentic relationships. Yet, I would gladly trade all of that if you would regularly do just one thing every night — lay your head on your pillow and simply ask yourself one question: How loving was I today?
The silence in the room was deafening. I took another deep breath and slowly continued: “We have corrupted what love is. We have romanticized it, sexualized it, and manipulated it in a lot of ways. I challenge you to rediscover it. If you want to unleash authentic relationships, authentic leadership, and meaningful success, love is all you need. And the process to unleash that love starts and continues with that nightly question: How loving was I today?”
I somewhat trusted that this analytical audience would sense a bit of accountability in this otherwise very soft question.
Numerous students gathered around me after the presentation. They wanted to talk about one thing—the final question of an unplanned closing.
Beyond authenticity, I am certain, it’s the only question that ultimately nurtures greatness. And it is intentionally digging for our core values and living them personally and organizationally that will fuel a rich answer to that question each night.
These values will also empower you to love what you do and love who you get to do it with. You might say this love is your greatest return on integrity. That is an ROI worth investing in.
We are always looking for shiny new sophisticated answers to what seems like an ever-increasingly complex and dangerous world.
The answer is not so complex.
I was reminded of this, most recently, at the wedding of Tim and Lauren. I had watched Tim grow-up from his very youngest years. I was honored when Tim and Lauren asked me if I would do a reading at their wedding – a reading I had heard hundreds of times. Yet, I had never delivered 1 Corinthians 13 – at a wedding or anywhere. As I prepared, and for many days afterward, the words of verses 4-8 rang in my head.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It is not jealous, is not pompous,
it is not inflated, it is not rude,
it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick-tempered,
it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
Religious or not, you have likely heard these words many times. Most likely at a wedding. While they are perfect words for any wedding, what is interesting is that the author of these words wasn’t writing them for a wedding at all.
He was writing them for life.
Imagine the incredible changes that could evolve at work and at home – all over the world — if we would slowly read these words, each and every morning, when we first awoke.
And then, as we put our head back on our pillow each night, what if we asked ourselves: How loving was I today?
Shortly after the book was published, I was having coffee with my buddy Al when he suggested an insightful companion question: How was I loved today?
Wow, I sure could have used that question for the unplanned ending of that keynote! Two powerful questions – wherever you end or start.
After all, love never fails.
As always, I’d love for you to share your thoughts – of course, in loving way!
John, Your puns never get old:)! I loved this issue…and have also been thinking on this being a ‘fabric’ like integrity that knit values together…since our integrity circle! Thank you for continuing to share, and challenge on our thinking on what is possible.
Tricia … grateful for your grace on the puns!! 🙂 It was such a great discussion in the “Circle of Integrity” on love. It makes one heck of a fabric. If core values fuel needs, wants and behaviors … it could very well be that LOVE fuels core values. Let’s keep digging!!
My friend, you are a master teacher. Not simply because you say all of the right words, but because you LIVE those words. Anyone who has had the great pleasure of crossing your path is witness to the way that you show up, the way that you give time to, the way that you LOVE. I am so grateful that you are on this planet in the same season that I am. Keep illuminating the path, my friend. Keep teaching. Keep reminding us what real LOVE looks like. Your wisdom and your example makes all of us better.
In gratitude and love –
MO
Maureen … so grateful for your encouragement and your genuine friendship. When I lay my head on my pillow tonight and ask myself “how I was loved today?” … your kind comments will be right in the heart of my list. Thank you for your kindness and the inspiration that you have been to so very many people. #ThisIsMe 🙂
Great article which narrows down what it takes to live a fruitful and ethical life. How refreshing to read something like this to keep the real purpose of our lives in perspective.
Michael … no doubt that love does bring purpose into perspective. So true that love never fails … AND is the answer to all our failings. Hope you are doing great!!
John, possibly your best piece yet. Thank you.
John … thank you for your kind encouragement! It’s a safe bet to go with love for sure. 🙂
The Apostle Paul introduces this passage by saying “Now I will show you the most excellent way.” Thank you, John, for showing your broad readership what really matters in business and life. Well done!
Mark … you are correct. And he was sure right about that!
John, your thoughts made me think of advice that Dr. David Morrison used to give to newly-promoted managers at Arthur Andersen. He advised them to “Find some one who loves you enough to tell you the truth,” and to seek feedback and advice from that person or persons.
Jack … Such great advice from Dr. David Morrison. He so inspired me in my youngest of years when he would come and speak with us at Arthur Andersen. For many years now, I have said: “Find someone who loves you enough to tell you the truth AND someone you love enough to accept that truth even when you don’t like what they are saying!” Now I know where the seed of that thought was planted! Thank you for sharing.
John,
Excellent piece. Very thought provoking. I enjoy all your writings but this one was especially moving. I am so glad you changed the ending for that keynote. I can say that you certainly gave that audience of financial types something to think about .
A fellow “beancounter”
Maryann … grateful for your feedback. So glad you found it meaningful and relevant! I’m glad I changed the ending too … because talking with the students afterwards certainly inspired me with hope for the future! Like you, there were some awesome souls in that audience!