This past weekend we were keeping two of our grandsons, who are 3½ and 1½ years old. In the midst of a gray, misty, and cold day – and a tinge of the Holidays in the air – we decided we wanted to take the boys for some Christmas fun. While there was a plethora of over-priced options from which to choose, we decided to simply take a nostalgic (for us, not for them!) journey back to “the mall.”
It is one of these malls that may be on their last breath. Two of the four anchor stores have been gone for a while – in fact, the Sears has been completely leveled and now replaced by a nice apartment complex. Yet, we knew this mall was still giving it everything they could muster, especially during the Holiday Season. And because of that, we knew their decorations, the massive Christmas tree, the huge and brightly lit classic carousel, and the little train that rides throughout the mall were all poised and waiting to bring pure joy to these two little boys.
And a joy it was!
As we moved through all we had anticipated and a crowd pleasingly larger than we thought it would be, I had a surprising realization – I miss the mall. I thought back to the opening of the very first mall in my original hometown of Memphis, TN. It was a big deal in every way and filled with an air of innovation. The very thought of every desirable store all under one roof felt like the be all and end all of convenience – efficient, effective, diverse … yet, all together. Long lost memories of packed malls, overflowing parking lots, a holiday buzz creating a spirit from which you were defenseless, and a sense of real community filled me as we navigated our way from train to carousel and to the tree that, through young eyes, certainly seemed to be filled with magic. Yet, none of this stirred through me the next morning when I saw the Amazon truck buzzing through our neighborhood anonymously dropping brown boxes from porch to porch.
The image of the concept of the mall stayed with me long after the boys had gone home – a place quite diverse in the particulars, yet community as a whole. Many different stores, while at the same time just one place. One experience. A living metaphor of the essence of being non-dualistic.
Not this or that, but all together one.
The cognitive expression of non-dualistic thinking is the ability to perceive and understand issues without dividing them into binary opposites. Hence, we call it “the mall.” The concept seems vague, but the implications in our daily lives – personal and professional – are profound. There is nothing that we think, say, or do that isn’t impacted by this concept – be it leadership, teamwork, relationships, mental health, or the authentic nature of the mystery of our spiritual journey.
There is perceived “comfort” in dualistic thinking – this or that, right or wrong, black and white. The illusion of us and them diminishes our fears – or so it seems. The division it causes keeps differences at a distance and takes us further and further into sameness – rather than deeper and deeper into awe and wonder. Options narrow, while innovation diminishes, allowing judgment and pride to flourish.
While fear seems to subside, ironically, frustration and anxiety increasingly have their way with us. Rather than accepting things as they are, we busy ourselves forcing everything and everyone into predefined categories. We eventually can’t print labels fast enough. Flow ceases. Function is replaced by malfunction. Competition manifests itself in unhealthy ways – eventually winning at all costs.
Dualism diminishes the depth of leaders, the effectiveness of parents, the quality of mentors, the authenticity of lifetime friendships and the very experience of our own personal life journey. It builds walls that divide while claiming to build community. Non-dualism is different – embracing what is different – not because it is different, but because it is.
It’s like a porch inviting you to come sit as you are.
Non-dualism breeds a healthy acceptance and nourishes the art of letting go. When I first conceived the idea of this newsletter, I named it The Porch with one idea in mind – that it would be a place to gather to ponder the issues of business and life. I always wanted it to be a place that uncomfortably broadened perspectives rather than bringing the comfort that narrow thinking tries to sell. From the moment I made the very difficult decision to leave my 18-year career at Arthur Andersen until this moment 27 years later – my hope, whether in my speaking or writing, was not to tell others what to think, but to create an experience that simply got people thinking (hopefully in ways yet explored). I know I have certainly failed at that hope from time-to-time, but I stay committed to it as my journey continues.
As I write these final words of a “newsletter” that I have so enjoyed sharing, over 250 issues strong, I embrace this sense of non-dualism in creatively looking forward to what this upcoming spring will birth in its place. I’m grateful to the hundreds who have sat with me month-to-month on this porch and hope that you will continue to come along to what comes next. It could very well be a breath of fresh air that non-dualistically speaks into who you are, how you are, wherever you are.
Perhaps it will give you the ability to see the magic experienced through the eyes of little boys who look up to a Christmas tree that seems bigger than life in a mall that is likely to fall – making way for something new.
In the meantime, may your Holiday Season be filled with unexpected magic and joy. Merry Christmas.
As always, I would love for you to share your thoughts below!
Great message this month John. Dualism is an easy heap way to categorize people, religions, politics etc etc. i will give you a call soon. Merry Christmas.
Thanks, John, for 250 well thought out reflections on THE PORCH. I’ve enjoyed reading them and pondering the messages. I admire your insights and clarity of thought.
Blessings as you move forward. I look forward to what the future will bring.
The end of an amazing run and I look forward to what’s next! Merry Christmas to you and your family and may you have a blessed 2024!
John, congratulations on completing this epic run of 21 year on the Porch. Great metaphor and very touching as we think about the constant cycle of destruction and re-building. I look forward to seeing what is rebuilt and continuing to follow the legacy you are building. You have most certainly succeed in getting people to think. Thanks for your input and influence in my life. All the best!
Well done on your run with this publication, John. I will miss it. Happy Holidays!
John, Thank you for all of your insights via “The Porch”. I will miss it and look forward to hearing from you in the near future. Best wishes for continued success. Sincerely, Dave Rodgers AA Milwaukee 1992-2002.
John, my disappointment that you are ceasing the Porch Pieces is balanced by my interest in learning about your next blog-type adventure. Our daughters will tell you that I like to say that nothing good lasts forever. Fortunately, nothing bad lasts forever either! Psychologists call the dualism, “splitting,” if I remember correctly and I have compassion for those who are compulsive in the practice. I believe they miss so much in understanding the world around them.
Loved this last installment. I look forward to more non-dualistic conversations in person, dear friend.
Thank you for the commitment it took to create 250 issues of “The Porch.” You may never know how your ability to get people thinking has made impacts that ripple forward.
John, I have enjoyed every issue. Thank you. I look forward to hearing of your next endeavor. I am sure it will be good.
John….
And what a journey it has been and will continue to be. Like a good book or a favorite movie, please let us continue to go back into the archives again…..so that we can “walk the mall” and enjoy and learn and share.
Thank you AA&Co for the opportunity to be able to cross paths with you.
Your friend
John, Congratulations on your decision to make a change. I have enjoyed The Porch for over a decade. It has been the one thing in my inbox that I always read. Look forward to what comes next.
John, kudos and thanks to you for sharing your insights on THE PORCH for all these years! I’ve always appreciated how you take common everyday experiences and offer us the opportunity to ponder the extraordinary immersed within. And yes, like others here, I look forward to what unfolds into the future. Blessings & gratitude, MJ
John, thank you for your insight in these publications. Looking forward to what is in the future. Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas and continued success.
Thank you Joan. I hope you are doing well. The future is waiting with good things! Merry Christmas to you too. I hope you enjoy the Happiest of Holidays!
John, thank you for the many wonderful editions of The Porch, this one providing an appropriate sense of closure. I hope you continue reflecting, and that some of those reflections find their way to those of us who have loved you through the AA years and beyond.
Steve … thank you so much for your message and for hanging-out with me on “the porch.” I appreciated every one of the times you followed-up with your reflections from reading THE PORCH. And I’m grateful for every one of those years at Andersen together and for the love we all shared for our work, for the Firm … and for each other. I look forward to staying connected as we continue forward!
John –
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts over the years! Although I never sat with you discussing things on the Porch, you did make me think about things and have broadened my perspectives. It is always wonderful insight.
I wish you nothing but the best in your next endeavor and look forward to see what it is!
Good lunch and Happy Holidays!!
Thank you Stacey for sitting together on “the porch” while still so far apart. I appreciate you allowing the messages to broaden perspectives on some things and reconfirm on others. More to come as I continue this journey — just making space for what is waiting to arrive! Happy Holidays to you too!
Thank you John! Love being on this journey with you. I look forward to always sharing the porch with you…and talking. Thanks for the years of inspiration, friendship, and love.
Joel … love you being on this journey too. Your authenticity and endless kindness would make any journey better — it has especially made this one better. Thank you my friend.
John, thanks for everything! I’ll miss “Porch” a lot and look forward to staying connected with you. As I read your message today, it reminded me of writing a song. I’ll sit at the piano and just start playing chords and most times nothing happens. But every once in a while, it clicks and I hit the “record” button and keep playing. I can’t wait to hear your new song! All the best, John and I wish you and your family a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HOLIDAY SEASON!
Pete … I still remember the first time I ever saw you sitting at a piano in St. Charles. I was thinking: Whew! That guy can really play the songs of my most favorite group CHICAGO! Little did I know then … AND … little did I know what a wonderful friend you would become across so many years and mile. So … I’m super excited this last issue of “the porch” reminded you of writing a song!! Just perfect in my mind. 🙂 I look forward to staying connected. Merry Christmas to you too!
John, you have always exceeded expectations. You have had a fabulous run with the Porch. I will miss it but anticipate even better things going forward. It has been refreshing to read material that reflects thinking versus the chaos and negativity we see in the daily news. Congratulations my friend.
Jack … thanks for sitting with me on the porch across many years — and for many years before “the porch” was ever a concept. Forever grateful for you and your friendship.
Thanks John, you have changed my life for the better. It is important that it has changed the lives of my family, coworkers, fellow volunteers and coworkers.
When I volunteered to run the Pruning Class with the ILCA I used the term
“Train the trainer”. I believe that has been instrumental in educating a new generation of Green Industry professionals.
Thanks,
Charlie Keppel
So well written as your series has been. Can’t believe it has been as long as you pointed out. Thanks for all of your thought provoking topics. You have a true gift and passion like few others John. Thanks for sharing it with us. You have been more impactful than you will ever know.
Happy New Year, John!
A conversation with you always leaves me feeling understood and valued, whether it’s in person or in your powerful writing. I look forward to whatever is around the bend for you, and I am hopeful that our paths will cross again in person.
Diane
Thank you John for this particular last issue. Your words on non-dualism particularly resonated with me this morning and really brought me home to its importance in my life currently, the emphasis on dwelling in a sense of oneness with all creation and consciousness. Reading this truly brought a wave of inner peace and stillness.
John I want to truly thank for changing my life. It all started with return on Integrity.The last episode of The Porch is very touching. Thank YOU and God Bless you and your family!!
Thank you John for your wisdom on The Porch. I also enjoyed your messages when you spoke to our Men’s Group and especially your insights as I considered writing my book. You are a man of great faith. God has great things ahead for you!