In his book, Outliers: The Story of Success, Malcolm Gladwell introduces the concept of the 10,000-Hour Rule. In a world that seems to have a plethora of instant expertise, it is quite a refreshing bar he establishes in one earning their way to the level of an expert. It reminds me of my friend Maryann sharing related wisdom from her grandfather:
Nothing great happens quickly.
In so many ways, experts aren’t the ones boasting instant answers as if every problem has a solution … but rather they are the ones asking really difficult questions being fueled by deep and diverse experiences that can only come from the investment of a lot of hours. No doubt, when someone has invested 10,000 hours into anything, there is the opportunity to run into a lot of questions – both externally and internally. It may be fair to say that one can’t live on the surface of anything over the course of 10,000 hours. At some point, often unintended, the bottom falls out and one goes plummeting into a depth that only beckons them to fall ever deeper into their experience.
The ego seems to love an answer – especially when it’s our own! On the other hand, the heart and soul long for an adventure that never reveals itself in a moment’s notice. It is an adventure that calls us to trust the experience, moment-to-moment, over a very long period. While Malcolm’s 10,000-Hour Rule isn’t a new concept (consider the old saying: It took him 20 years to become an overnight success!) it certainly quantifies the investment in a stark and bold fashion.
Yet, with a market obsessed with speed while propelled by many addicted to competition, it makes for a lethal combination of serving up short term answers with little or no concern for long-term consequences – often unintended. Quick answers have a way of closing heavy doors.
Questions have a way of re-opening them.
In my years while working in the World Headquarters of Arthur Andersen, I had a 9-block walk from our offices at 69 W. Washington to Union Station. I became quite efficient at navigating the crowds, the lights, and the cross streets to limit my time from office to boarding the train. This efficiency allowed little time to notice anything along the way other than the time left before I would miss my train.
Yet, during that same season of life, I developed a practice to, once a week, leave the office a few minutes early intentionally slowing down my stride to pay particular attention to those I saw along the way. As my eyes glanced from person-to-person – from a professional moving at my typical efficient pace, to a parent patiently pushing a stroller, to an artist delightfully sharing their gift on a random street corner, to a homeless person quietly sitting with a tin can and a sign – I repetitively wondered what I would discover if I could simply sit with that person for an entire afternoon listening to their life story while only asking them questions.
It mentally forced me to start with a blank sheet of paper.
And it never failed in allowing me to arrive to my seat on the train feeling a deeper sense of humility and a richer sense of curiosity – characteristics I intentionally wanted to deepen in my own life journey. Meaningful questions have a way of nurturing both.
It was during this same period of time, amongst our Firmwide Recruiting Team, that we were embarking on a sophisticated and significantly different form of conducting interviews. The methodology demanded your curiosity while neutralizing your assumptions. It required you to actively listen, focus and probe with simple questions. The outcome of the interview literally depended on the art of asking. The methodology wasn’t about just any question – it was about the right question at the right time asked in the right way. And rarely did it fail to deliver delightful surprises along the way.
As I look back on the most meaningful conversations I have experienced in my own life, the narrative always involved a lot of questions back-and-forth. Not any question – but the right question at the right time asked in the right way. And yes, almost always, the questions were hard, authentic, and vulnerable.
Spiritual teacher and psychologist, James Finley. says that in a counseling session there often comes the right moment when he asks a question that he knows the counselee can’t immediately answer. Searching for an answer in an elongated silence, the counselee can only turn inward for a response that is not easily accessible – perhaps only leading them to a deeper question.
It strikes me that in a world searching for answers, and plenty of spontaneous “experts” looking to serve-up teflon solutions, we might be best served in asking a lot more questions – really hard, difficult, uncomfortable and inconvenient questions. The quality of the results will, of course, depend on the art of the ask.
As Malcolm Gladwell so clearly expressed: one dimension of expertise is measured by the number of quality hours invested. Maybe another dimension might very well be measured by the number of meaningful questions asked. Perhaps a combination of the two would take us to a whole new level of wisdom and understanding – of the complex issues of our day and of each other. Maybe it could evolve into a masterpiece worth hanging in some future museum showcasing the history of our times. Surely, it’s worth asking about!
As always, I would love for you to share your thoughts … or maybe more importantly, a question that has recently moved you, invited you or challenged you! Please share below.
John, thanks for another great Porch! It reminded me when I would ask my father about how he left Italy at 17, the oldest of 8 children to come to the U.S.A. to find a job and provide for his family back home. He told me what his father told him as he was about to board the train to Naples to board the ship taking him to America. He said “Angelo, I’m so proud of you for doing this for us. My only advice son, is to ask questions of people older than you because they have wisdom and you’ll learn a lot.” Thanks for this, John. My dad is smiling upstairs!
Pete … I LOVE this story. No doubt your dad (and your grandad!) is smiling down from the Heavens knowing that their wisdom is still be shared in you and through you! Such great advice for all of us to remember at any age. Thank you for sharing!
This is such a meaningful piece. As I work to focus on asking more questions, I realize that I become more interested and engaged in the conversation. I can be so quick to respond, (because my ego knows I have the right answer) that I am actually disconnected from the conversation! Such a missed opportunity to learn!!
Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
Nicki … such a great lesson for all of us. A great reminder that our best intentions to helpfully respond are not always the best approach (while the ego may choose to disagree!). Thank you for sharing!
John, I find your reflection quite insightful, thankyou! My curiosity has me asking YOU: what is the question that you are pondering most deeply these days?
Mary Jo … that one is easy for me as I have been pondering the concept and content of STUCK in the last few months. I now have a question in a frame on my desk that simply says: WHERE AN I STUCK? I think it is one of those questions that deserves much discernment … and likely a good example of an ASK that invites me to more exploration to deeper questions before offering to disclose and explanations! Thank you for ASKING!
This is eye opening. Reading your essay opens this for me; Just the mere act of asking a question of anyone, whether it be friend or family member, acquaintance, even a stranger that one is standing next to in the market, is such a form of giving attention, and thus love. It expands the goodness in the world. Our sincerity and lovingkindness and wisdom play such an integral part in how the question is received. At any rate, thank you for this wonderful essay.
Janny … so loved reading your reflection. I’m grateful for you sitting on “the porch” with me. As I read your reflection, it helped me realize that my practice of noticing people once a week on the way to the train station is something you so beautifully bring to life all the time through the gift of your beautiful sketches of someone in a train station, on a train … or any where along you path. You notice them and celebrate them in such a beautiful way with your wonderful gift. Grateful for you and who you are!
Love this reflection, John!
The art of asking…that is something your friend and mine, Janice Rubin, does so well. I feel as though this art is a life-long learning experience. The more we experience it through “receiving” – the more we are encouraged to do the same. And – the more we use this gift – the more we recognize this gift in others. Thank you so much for reminding us of this valuable art that enhances and personalizes our interactions with others.
John, I love this reflection and have read it several times now. One question that attracts me lately is, “Can you tell me more?” I think it demonstrates interest and caring. The question invites one to share on a deeper level while feeling secure that the questioner has sincere interest and non- judging.
Thanks again for the insight, John. I especially appreciate how Maryann leans into wisdom from her grandfather. I learned so much from my grandfather. I get to share some of his wisdom in my leadership book. I’m looking forward to it.
One thing I noticed early was that my grandfather would always ask meaningful questions. I’m sure this was because he was deeply curious and interested in whoever was in front of him. It’s part of what made him such an amazing leader. He left quite a legacy.