Recently, I met an individual who was sharing his excitement of a new discussion group he had joined. I was inspired by his genuine enthusiasm. Yet, one of his terms of endearment for the group stirred my thinking: We are all like-minded.
On the surface, it felt logical. Understandable. Invigorating.
And seductive.
It also sounded comfortable in a time of his own season of transition. There is an element in all of us that longs for the comfort brought by the familiar and the similar – along with the affirmation that comes from such natural bonds. After all, isn’t that the defining nature of most any affinity group?
It shows-up in so many arenas of our life – schools, sports, church, nations, and the demographic choosing of your like.
Likeness serves a purpose until it doesn’t.
I have periodically expressed my reluctance of talking politics and religion with people who agree with me. It’s not that I can’t learn something, though normally it comes in the form of grounding me deeper into what is already ingrained. That feels good, but rarely stretches me. I thoroughly enjoy a conversation where we come from different viewpoints, experiences, opinions and beliefs. When each is willing to genuinely listen and explore what is unfamiliar and often uncomfortable to them, we can begin to wonder and wander into the unknown of each other.
In all fairness, I love likeness. But what I love more is when likeness is richly discovered in the midst of differences. It is rarely found on the surface, but in the territory beyond our perceived limitations.
Sound bites aren’t particularly helpful — like salt in a wound. Salty sound bites only serve to long-preserve the attachment to ideas resting in our already made-up minds. In a rapidly changing world of disruption, like-minded is what we want. Diversity is what we need. Yet, the essence grounded deep in our core is what serves us well.
It is the place where real likeness is found.
Years ago, a friend had a dream that she was facing a massive brown rock and there was no way around it. Throughout the dream she faced the rock feeling completely stuck. She shared the dream with her counselor. He asked her, rather than focusing on the desire to move forward, to start mentally stepping back from the rock and tell him what she saw. Slowly, she began to share a sense of first standing-up before stepping back. As she began to step back, she described the massive rock proportionately falling into the context of a small stone lying in the midst of a beautiful massive field in front of her. Closeness can, in fact, block our connection to a broader context.
Sometimes we have to step away from what we so clearly see and know, to curtail a paradoxical blindness. Where we are standing, or where we are lying, can have a limiting impact on all we see. So can relying on the love we have for regularly hanging-out with the like-minded.
Biblically speaking, Proverbs advises that iron sharpens iron. This doesn’t necessarily sound like advice for a surface level feel-good gathering. And it would be easy to understand this as the like-minded hanging-out together. I would suggest it more likely addresses the sharpness we may feel in the midst of differences – as well as the sharpness we can develop when we go there with courage and grace.
We often use our likeness to blind us and our differences to divide us.
It seems that we would be far better served to engage in our differences venturing through a common experience where we initially learn to like and eventually come to love each other. It takes going well beyond our behaviors, wants and needs (and, yes, our minds) to get there. It is there that we discover the limitless nature of our core.
It’s worth getting up and stepping back. There is so much more to see.
As always, I’d be grateful for you sharing your thoughts and experiences below.
Hi John,
I am sure you don’t remember me but I wanted you to know I still really enjoy your articles. This one was especially good and so relevant to today and our country’s ‘division’.
Thanks as always and I truly hope you and your family are all well.
Barry
Barry … somehow I missed a whole bunch of comments that were made a good while back. Of course I remember you. I hope the landscape business is gearing-up for a great year ahead. Thanks for sitting on “the porch” with me and for sharing your comments … and your encouragement. Wishing you bright spring days ahead!
I joined your blog quite awhile ago. I remember exactly when, but I joined because of the first Front Porch I read, and again I can not remember what I read, but it did move me to join. Since then I have received The Front Porch and each time I feel I do not have time to read it, and I move it to my folderd The Front Porch in hopes that one day I will read it. For some reason today I took the time and am so glad I did. I have nothing profound to say about it; just that it reminded me of the discomfort I currently feel regarding the upcoming midterm election and the fact that I am a registered democrat and live in a state that is majority republican even though I believe most of them do not know why they are registered republicans. I have played the game of Bunco every month with a group of women friends for over 30 years. They are all registered republicans and then there is me. We are all basically white with a little of this and that mixed up in our DNA, all live in middle class neighborhoods, go to Christian churches, have children, some have grandchildren, have varied educations levels, worked decent jobs, and are very good friends. We rarely see one another outside of Bunco, but we feel close when we are together. Serious health and family issues are shared, but differences in how we look at what is going on in our country and the world is taboo. I see my friends during each government election going to the polls and voting with not a clue why they are voting for who they are voting for because they only talk and listen to the people who are going to vote like they are going to vote. They never go to a townhall meeting or listen to a debate. They don’t listen to the news; they get their news from facebook and their husbands. They never question why they are to vote for certain issues and certain people and vote against others. Oh how I wish that during just one of our Bunco evenings we could talk about the issues and people running for public office and agree to disgree and learn. It is our differences that make our lives interesting not our similarities. Thank you for The Front Porch. I may not always agree with you, but you make me think.
Martha … I’m so grateful for sitting with me on The Front Porch even when time is short. I especially appreciate you sharing your experience here and your thoughtful reflection on your Bunco group. Sounds like a wonderful group that enjoys being together! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all of us could have meaningful discussions with those who think differently than we do and still walk away loving each other. If we dig deep enough, there is always more in common at our core than any of those differences. Some day … we’ll all be together!! In the meantime, thank you for being on “the porch” and sharing your thoughts!